Like many adoptees and birthrelatives who are searching, I've run into many roadblocks along the way in my search for my birthfamily. Let's face it, it's difficult to search for someone when you don't even know their name! But I refuse to give up. We all have the right to the basic knowledge of who we are and where we came from.

Most people who are not a part of the adoption triad (made up of three parts: adoptees, birthfamilies, and adoptive families) are not aware of how unfairly adoptees are treated by the system. We are denied access to our original birth certificates and records, and are treated as perpetual children. The system refers to us as "children" no matter how old we are, and thinks that it knows what is in our best interests. It's interesting that a birthmothers "right to confidentiality" is always brought up as a reason to keep us in the dark, when the majority of birthmothers I have been in contact with during my search were never promised such a thing!

People ask me why I want to find my birthparents. No, it is not out of any desire to replace my adoptive parents..they are, and will always be, my parents. I simply want to meet the woman who gave me life (and, to a lesser extent, the man who contributed his genes before deserting my birthmother), and know what she's like. I guess I'm also curious as to how much of my makeup is genetic, and how much has been environmental. It's a simple matter; I want to know where I came from. These are things that are taken completely for granted by people who were not adopted, yet is basic information kept from me by archaic laws. How fair is that?

My desire to find my birthparents became very strong when I had my first child. She was born with a very strong resemblance to me (and remains very similar to me in appearance as she enters adulthood), and that made me wonder if I bear as strong a resemblance to either of my birthparents. In addition, and more profoundly, I was struck by the realization that this child was the only person I knew who shared my blood and my genes (which now goes for all three of my children, who all look very much like me).

A search like this is a very personal thing; some adoptees have no desire to locate their birthrelatives, others are driven by that desire. I'd say I fit somewhere near the latter; though my search does not encompass all of my daily activities, it is a very important thing to me, and I pray that I am able to locate at least my birthmother before death claims her.

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The Legacy of an Adopted Child
Author Unknown

Once there were two women
Who never knew each other.
One you do not remember,
The other you call mother.
Two different lives
Shaped to make yours one.
One became your guiding star
The other became your sun.
The first gave you life
And the second taught you to live in it.
The first gave you a need for love
The second was there to give it.
One gave you a nationality,
The other gave you a name.
One gave you the seed of talent,
The other gave you an aim.
One gave you emotions,
The other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile,
The other dried your tears.
One gave you up - It was all she could do.
The other prayed for a child
And god led her straight to you.
And now you ask me
Through your tears,
The age old question
Through the years:
Heredity or environment-
Which are you the product of?
Neither, my darling, neither

Did you know that in Scotland, adoptees records have been open since 1935, since 1975 in England? Australia, New Zealand, Norway, Finland, Israel, Mexico and many others have open records for adult adoptees..why not the United States?!? And to make things worse, did you know that lobbies consisting of certain adoption agencies and lawyers (who, of course, have a   definite interest in keeping records sealed) are working on passing a "Uniform Adoption Act" (see Legal/Legislative links below for information) that would not only seal adoption records for 99 years, but would make it a felony in some cases for adoptees and/or birthparents to search? Um, excuse me, but what is wrong with this picture?!?!?!? If this Act is passed into law, I could be a felon just for trying to find out who I am?!?!?! Who do these people think they are??? I think that is what infuriates me the most..that some high powered muckety muck has the power to deny me the basic right of knowing who I am..what is the deal with that???

Registry/Search Database and Resource Sites

Personal Pages

Adoption Sites and Resources